Forgetting How To Instagram.

Intro

For the three people who have actually noticed, you’re right, I have not been the active Instagram user I used to be, at least on @kimi.mugford. Yes, there is a reason for that. Well, there a few reasons actually. But before you decide whether you’re willing to hear a sob story or not, I wanted to properly announce this post will be dedicated to my absence on Instagram, if the title didn't fully give that away for you. Just to give you a chance to leave early.

Alright well I’m going to be completely honest with you, I’ve been extremely nervous to make this post for a while now, which by the way is fucking crazy considering I am very rarely nervous. That being said, bare with me. As I said in the intro, a fair amount of people have noticed and have asked me why I have not been active on Instagram since January, and good for those you who have chosen to acknowledge that piece of irrelevance to your life. That may come off rude and I don’t mean to come across that way, but yes I have been inactive. Here’s why.

Part One: Garbage

In December I was involved with people who kind of defined who I was at the time and took me away from what I wanted to be. Now things have changed completely. I think differently, look at things from different perspectives, and acknowledge certain things and people I would have never in the past. Coming to terms with who I really am and what my interests are, I have been able to explore new things and keep an open mind rather than finding myself in the same bedroom hanging out everyday accomplishing nothing. How does this relate to my Instagram absence? I’m getting there.

Part Two: She’s Actually Lame

At that time I felt like a part of me was wanting something more. I was unsatisfied with myself and how I came across to people who didn't know me personally. At the time, I was constantly meeting new people at social events every weekend and I would get the same first impression reactions, “You’re nothing like I thought you would be like in real life” or even something like “I thought you’d be a complete bitch” and a fair amount of time I’d have people approach me as if I were someone on the internet people would see as a form of entertainment??????? It’s hard to explain, but all I could really say is that although some people may have loved that feeling of being known for their social media persona, it made me uncomfortable a lot of that time. I’m not a celebrity or even in any position to compare myself to one. I think that is super lame that people would even approach me as if I was in any way, shape, or form. I’m actually quite lame in many ways. For example I spend a solid portion of my time writing a blog that acquires very little attention.

Part Three: Solution to my Sorrows

Another part of me thought I could just keep posting hoping things would change and for a bit I was naive enough to believe that. I did, however come to terms with the fact that I was the problem, I hated myself for a while. I wanted to post cool content but at the same time not come off as an attention seeker (I know, super lame logic). So what could I do to post what I wanted people to see me as?? this being who I really am.

@kimisarchives. YES I AM EXTRA ENOUGH TO HAVE TWO INSTAGRAM ACCOUNTS. Yup, this is what I have amounted to. Here I’m a total bitch slaying your feed with half assed photos of my day to day life without filter on captions and on my photos. One pimple cream selfie at a time. All I want to do is post for me, not for others.

Part Four: Coming Back

So here lays the question. Will I ever return to posting on @Kimi.Mugford? I honestly don’t know for sure. I love being entertaining to people in some ways, but my media is for me, not for anyone else. I’m never trying to seem better than anyone, be someone I’m not, or force myself onto anyone for attention. If I was, I wouldn't be writing this post, I’d probably be thinking of what my next exciting post idea will be and what time I’ll be posting at.

Outro

All in all, it’s just Instagram. My main goal of this post was to explain how posting was a thing I did for myself, never others. See me as you wish, but never put me out to be someone who begs for attention, because I may have time for writing to the few people who subscribe to my personal diary, but no time to satisfy my attention seeking needs.

Thanks again for reading.

Kimi